This is the final entry in the trilogy of blogs from the desk of Scott D Burnett. Sean is back on the tools this week and the keyboard from next week. He’s been WFH for a bit apparently which made me question why the big man couldn’t jump on the blog? I had a similar reaction to Roy Keane finding out Robbie Keane wouldn’t be able to fulfil his national team duties for ROI. To be honest, if I have to hear about the majesty of childbirth one more time! Between him frantically tuning the baby monitor at his desk and hysterically crying every time John Mayer’s ‘Daughters’ comes on Spotify it’s been testing. I just hope the blog will come as a welcome distraction. We did have our first One on One in months yesterday and after he finally got his shit together, we chatted about recruitment. I tend to bring up what I’m going to blog about to bounce ideas around, sort of a Lennon & Ringo dynamic. Last week I mentioned a recruitment commandment, the idea to flesh that out was intriguing. Ultimately, we decided it was more metal and on-brand to be sacrilegious and interpret the commandments like two recruiters hearing them for the first time just out of hearing distance. Think Life of Brian but with compendiums and business cards.
“I am the Lord thy God, thou shalt not have any gods before Me.”
I think this was the one about false prophets? Like how the cheesemakers wound up being the blessed, I think our two recruiters in row Z would have definitely misheard ‘profits’ instead. It is important that in recruitment we don’t go up to the whiteboard before the deal is absolutely certain. The shame of having to wipe a fee using the rag soaked in rec cons tears is very much a sin.
“Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain.”
It’s never a good idea to slag of your agency, I mean we all do but that’s among colleagues. Like calling your siblings names, you can do that because he/she is your moron. During the interviewing process, if someone hasn’t got a good thing to say about their employer it’s a bit of a red flag. Either they are the problem or they make pretty poor decisions.
“Remember to keep holy the Sabbath day.”
While your text to a contractor/potential placement might be sent with all the best intentions, people deserve a rest. Probably best avoid a friendly reach out in the evenings or over the weekend unless absolutely critical. I’m mean for Christ’s sake, and a lot of this was, you deserve a break more than anyone! Don’t be surprised if you get told to “go to hell!” calling someone on a Sunday.
“Honour thy father and mother.”
Respect your elders! If you are told to do something, be it logging a client meeting or phoning that lead by your manager, do it straight away. Paying dues is an important part of climbing any ladder and an important lesson in humility. Even if it’s a command by a senior consultant you’re probably better off demonstrating your appreciation for a hierarchy and your ability to toe the company line.
“Thou shalt not kill.”
Pretty self-explanatory really. Something worse than death though, pissing off a rather large client beyond the point of repair. No matter how much you may want to give them a healthy dose of reality, take a deep breath. For the tiny slither of readership that will enjoy some niche 2007 British nostalgia click here.
“Thou shalt not commit adultery.”
“What was that? Just on a call?” said recruiter #1, as his phone rings. I don’t think a lot of agencies could follow this by the letter, none of the cool ones anyway. I think the key is to not shag your colleagues that are married or have partners that could batter you.
“Thou shalt not steal.”
This is heard loud and clear! If two recruiters are working with the same candidate what you don’t want to see is some hastily cobbled together registration notes added or the ‘responsible’ field changed to another consultant’s name suddenly. Same with a client, no danger in shaking different branches of an org tree and seeing what drops.
“8-10 is a lot of neighbour stuff.”
Heaps of goods, a hot wife, greener grass, the Old Testament neighbour has it all! While the top biller is a person to draw inspiration from you don’t have to emulate them to be successful. Nor does it do you any good to compare their lot with yours. Usually, they have some underlying insecurity issues that are propelling them to superstardom so don’t covet so hard.
A bit more preachy than usual this week, though I bet a lot of consultants have been praying to the recruitment gods for a bit of good fortune recently. It’s tough out there at the moment but have a little faith, she’ll come right. Rev Rice will be holding a sermon at The Generator for our very own little procession on the 31st of March. It’s our chance to give back to the flock with more wine and fewer wafer cookies. Due to current restrictions and our refusal to do an online Pow Wow people will need to registerer individually for tickets, entering the arc one by one. No longer bagsing 10 tickets and then no-showing. Click on the link below to register and send it to those you want to come. 😊