This week, I’ve been thinking about sex with colleagues. Not my own colleagues of course; only one of them is my type and he’s far too young. I mean the concept in general. What prompted these thoughts was an article I read about Nadine Ahn, the former CFO of the Royal Bank of Canada who recently received her marching orders after an 11 year affair with a colleague. The details are all over the internet, but basically she was married, he was slightly more junior, she claimed it had no bearing on his promotions, the bank claimed she had everything to do with it. She wants $59m in damages and claims her dismissal is more “tainted by underlying gender-based, stereotypical assumptions about friendships between women and men”. He is also suing, claiming that it would be different if they were both men (?!). Basically it’s a mess and highlights the trials you may face if Mr Winky or Miss Fluffy escapes the confines of your underpants in the workplace.
Banking is of course an industry where this must happen a lot. Mostly educated people, getting paid mostly good money, working mostly too many hours is always going to lead to some workplace nookie. What could be more sexy than an anti-money laundering course or a man who can master an Excel v-look up? Add to this a conference, a few wines after work, an awards night, and you’re bound to be putting the “fun” into hedge fund in no time at all. Of course, Recruitment is no different.
When I look at this industry, it is frankly incredible the number of people who have met their partners via work. I say “incredible” but, like banking, it really isn’t. Most recruiters earn well, are the right side of charismatic and/or attractive, work long hours in a job that no one else really understands, and there are countless chances to get on the booze with colleagues. It’s a hot bed for rumpy-pumpy. And this leads to some big moral dilemmas. The same dilemmas we should think about before judging Nadine Ahn, or anyone else who has met their lover/partner/wife in the workplace.
Firstly, there is the view that all workplace relationships are a “no-no”. Agreed, this would certainly make for a less dramatic environment, but any sweet summer child who thinks this is possible is being quite ridiculous. Finding someone you actually like isn’t easy. And when you’re spending 10 hours a day in the office putting in BD calls to Westpac, it’s even harder. There is also the reality that you can’t really choose who you like – not with that little cherub and his bow and arrow floating around. The assumption that any work place relationship is improper also makes for some hefty, and uneven, moral judgements. Firstly, we tend to think that relationships between people of equal levels but in different “teams” are OK. However, should a man start a romantic dalliance with someone more junior, we see the man as a predator who uses his power to get laid, and the woman as some sort of ladder-climbing she-devil harlot. Flip the genders around, and we slap the man on the back saying “go on my son!” whilst the woman is clearly a yo-yo knickered trollop who is trying to upset her husband with a younger toy boy. Office romances are clearly very sexist.
There is also a power dynamic at play. Those in charge have power, and power is an aphrodisiac. Just look at the love letters I get for being NZs third most read recruitment blogger. And the problem is, we never know who is exploiting their power, and who just happened to meet someone awesome. I’m sure if you asked these people, those still in the relationship would say the latter. Those who ended up with their photocopied arse all over Hays would disagree.
This type of stuff will always be a factor in the workplace, and personally, I know too many people who have made it work to ever criticise it. I do think however, that well run businesses should have safeguards put in place to stop over-promotion, under-promotion, over-pay, under-pay, and the fallout that comes from failed relationships. A solid board or advisory panel would put a stop to a lot of this. It seems that those liberal Canadians didn’t have this.
I’m typing this from a rooftop bar in Kuala Lumpur in the middle of a thunderstorm. I’m back in Auckland on Monday, so expect some more NZ-centric stuff next time round.
^SW
