I’m not taking the piss when I say I need my morning coffee. It’s ritualistic – that hot, freshly brewed elixir of life, that I’ve – well, had delivered to me in bed, if I’m being completely honest. I’ve been utterly spoiled and not lifted a finger or made any contribution whatsoever to that first week-day brew for six years straight. Frida Kahlo once said, “You deserve a lover who takes away the lies and brings you hope, coffee, and poetry,” and hi, hey, hello, I have found that guy.
We all know caffeine is special and magical and instrumental in waking up, getting up and getting shit done. Catching up over coffee is a recruiter’s favourite way to get in front of you. We live on coffee. It courses through our veins. We ply clients and candidates alike with the good stuff. Occasionally, we meet people who order tea or water instead. We look at them as if they’re mad, before being immediately wracked with insecurity about our own caffeine consumption. Sometimes we panic-order the same as them. “Oh, yes, a green tea for me too, please.” We force it down, barely managing not to wince. Green tea, indeed.
Coffee improves mental performance and alertness, boosts adrenaline, refines focus, and tastes good. It’s social. It’s comforting. It works in every setting. Just woken up? Bang a brew on. Meeting friends? At the cafe, duh. Heading out? I don’t even need to say the words, you’re thinking it already – ESPRESSO MARTINIII!
Of course, we don’t always get the caffeine we require. This week, in our round-up of recruitment news featuring people who really should’ve had more coffee:
- The hapless agency who tried to entice UK psychologists to New Zealand shores by saying you’ll be able to watch the sun rise over the Indian Ocean… (and also pitched the roles a solid $30k higher than their real salary.)
- Jose Mourinho announcing Manchester United ain’t likely to get the players he wants
- Massey Vice-Chancellor Jan Thomas cracking down on free speech, and deterring potential enrolments
- Rice Consulting employee Natasha Foster realising at the last minute her usual blog-mates are overseas and she needs to write The Whiteboard two weeks in a row, on the one and only Friday in yonks she’s actually had meetings booked for the morning.
- Because of course.
Espresso martini, anyone?