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Xmas parties

As the sun pours down on another glorious day that the weatherman predicted would be thunder and lightning Rice avec JOYN are preparing for our Xmas party. As a fairly agile and dynamic crew, we are a little way off hiring the Sydney Opera House for Jon & Sean to present the years results in matching black turtlenecks with Clarkson-esq denim jeans. We are hopping the ferry to Waiheke for a day of lawn bowls as is custom this time of year, honestly a pop up lawn bowls would do so well in Auckland over the Christmas period (patent pending) The Christmas party is a great time to unwind and reflect on a year which hopefully has had more ups than downs, however, you don’t want to relax completely as although you may be dressed as an elf leading a group singalong there is still the possibility of being sacked quicker than Santa’s presents on Christmas Eve! To avoid ending up on the naughty list as follows is some Do’s and Don’ts for the Christmas Doo that have served me well.


DO line the stomach.

The Christmas doo is an assault course of craft beers with the occasional shot to separate the professional drinkers and seasonal lushes. Currently, in the tank I have a burrito on a bed of popcorn from watching Bohemian Rhapsody last night (amazing!). I usually hit up Ronny’s prior to any big night out, probably the closest thing to an English Breakfast in the CBD. Of course, it is a fine line between lining the stomach and stuffing one’s face.


DON’T forget who’s boss.

The drinks are flowing, Queen is getting cranked, paper hats from crackers are strewn about the place. All the seats are taken but a little voice in your head says “there’s a seat, on *insert bosses name lap” You take the advice of the small red fella on the left shoulder and take your seat. Enlightening Mr or Mrs Boss with the interesting story how you “thought they a wanker the first time you met” may seem like a great full circle coming of age tale of your friendship but for everyone else in the room the invisible line that separates fun from work, employer from employee is becoming visible from space!


DO remember your limitations.

This can range from your dancing abilities, cocktailing making skills or just your belief in being a world-class raconteur. Remember your normal self, that guy that has to walk into the office at 8 am on Monday morning because everyone else will certainly remember your failed attempt of lifting Lynn from accounts aloft your head in an effort to recreate that scene from dirty dancing. Having the time of your only goes so far when you go from putting baby in the corner to putting Lynn in an ambulance.


Don’t endlessly drone on about work.

Don’t be that guy! I’m not saying don’t talk about work, these are your workmates, who work at the same building, doing the same work as you, it is inevitable it is going to come up. But if you so chose to talk about the Jefferson account or how head office has your balls in a vice you will find a social cordon sanitaire set up around your person asap.


Do drink water.

May seem like a pretty obvious one but it really is a cardinal rule of the Xmas party. This is only effective if you get in on the ground floor so to speak, no point getting a Fiji water after several Sambucas. It’s not as potent if you have it splashed on your face after falling through a table and chair set.


Don’t beat your boss.

If you’re doing an activity that results in winners and losers, I think it is important to keep in the back of mind who is paying for this. I think it is impossible not to be competitive, us recruiters are in constant competition with each other so to hold the coveted trophy of bowls, darts, pool champ over a colleague may be too hard to resist but give the boss a bit of wiggle room. There may be a suggestion that this has been put in as a ‘get out of jail free’ card if, on the off chance I don’t come back from Waiheke draped in glory, to those cynics I say, you’re totally correct.


Off I shoot to Ronny’s for the “usual” after years of steady custom I’ve earned the honor of not having to go through the rigmarole; beans instead of tomato, bacon instead of sausage, eggs scrambled. Important to start the day right before Sean or Jon’s lap starts looking like a Lazy Boy.